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Multiple Worlds....?

05/20/2013 22:39:00

This weekend I had the opportunity to experience two completely different worlds. My worlds. Up until about four years ago I allowed one to happen, or "forced it to happen",seems a better choice of words. The other one is relatively recent, and I am incredibly proud that I created it with my own conscious mind. It flows naturally, easily.

In one 24 hour day, experiences separated by merely morning and afternoon, with only the simplest words, and person's present, I was taken back to my past, and propelled into my future. I was also given the gift of acknowledging my present. Now, to some, this would be an experience of complete stress. This complex situation bringing with it emotional confusion, doubt, angst, possibly a smidgen of fear, and sadness. For me?

Well, as the slightly odd duck I pride myself on being.........I LAUGHED. Literally. I laughed in my car. I laughed while walking. I laughed while replaying the conversations of the day in my mind. In the most comedic portion of that 24 hours, I laughed In the face of a person that, at many points in my past, I was afraid of. I was given the opportunity to see how what most refer to as karma, and I as the universe, truly brings us everything we ask for. What we think, or I should say how we think, IS a direct reflection of the lives we live.

As I stood in front of person #1 in the morning hours, having a conversation that kept taking turns in various different directions, the past 12-13 years flashed through my brain like a cartoon flipbook. As I was listening to the conversation I was participating in, almost as a third person, I saw how vastly different my world is now. How many degrees of difference there is between the world I used to live in, including the people, and the one I live in now. My present being. My natural state. As the conversation continued, questions were presented by the other party that prompted my brain to ask itself if, I would in fact, ever consider, or had ever considered, moving back to that world?

My brain calmly and lovingly asked "Jess, how about it? What do you think? Do you want to come back?" while almost simultaneously, and with full assurance, I answered with a quick, and distinguishable "Oh you silly silly girl.....NOOOOO WAY. Are you kidding me? Give up all this?!"

Self love is one of the simplest, and least complicated ways to make a decision. See, in my situation, my quick and almost automatic response, came from a place of loving myself so much, that I will never again willingly put my beautiful soul into a situation that would give me anything less than 110% happiness. I will not walk into any situation that does not provide the tools for positive personal growth and learning. When you learn to love yourself completely, you begin to see how every word, situation, and person, will add or subtract, from your life. And you are given the inner power to say no. Saying no is not a sign of weakness, but rather of empowerment. Being able to confidently advocate for yourself allows you to be in control of your life, and what is brought into it. What a gift this is! I see people, on a regular basis, making decisions based on "what should be" or "what is normal" or, most destructively, what other people think. These factors remove self love from the equation. If you are asking others to make a decision for you, which is exactly what those factors are doing, you are telling your brain that you do not trust it enough, or love yourself enough, to know what is right for you.

Now think of the domino effect of this for a minute.....when you ask others, or their influences, to choose your life, you are bringing all of their personal choices onto your path in both the good and the less than desirable. You are intertwining their lives, their mother's lives, their uncle's lives, with yours. What if their decisions were not based in self love? Not to mention that they are different from you; different interests, goals etc...So in essence, you are living someone else's life. Because you didn't love, or trust yourself enough to create your universe unique to your soul. Who YOU are. What YOUR life should be. You are an individual, and should treat your path as such. As a treasure that you can make brighter by adding more gold (or purple sparklies in my case) along the way.

In the latter half of my 24 hour day, in a completely different environment, with people I have chosen to surround myself with, I was routed in my present, as well as given a glimpse of my future. As I was standing there celebrating a best friend's graduation from college, I saw, once again, how different my world is now. Even compared to a short four years ago, the difference is astronomical. If you had seen the transformation, as some of my close friends did, you might say I am a completely different person. It is virtually impossible to see any of the past me, in the new me.

As the celebration carried into the evening hours I became quiet. I sat there warming my feet by the fire, watching the people I love, laughing and enjoying the euphoric atmosphere, I couldn't help but become overwhelmed by all the beauty I have in my life. I was able to see the differences so clearly, almost as if they were screaming at me "Hey beautiful! Look at what you've accomplished. This is some really good stuff!".......Surrounded by good friends, happiness, and the sense of being part of something bigger than me....I felt complete. Not once during the second half of my day did I doubt where I was, who I was, or the genuine love of the people I was with. In all of my friendships, I am important to these people, and they, in turn, are incredibly important to me.

In my present day, my everyday, I am, and always will be, completely and honestly accepted for the person I am. I am 100% confident that as I grow and change, I will be seen as a beautiful spirit who continues to fly......all while knowing I am supported, encouraged, and loved, by the person's I choose to keep in my life. One's that add to my path and accept my unique spirit.......those who embrace my individuality, as they have embraced theirs. There is no jealousy, anger, hatred, distrust or malice in my new world. Those who love themselves fully, which creates the ability for us to love, and accept, each other as individuals.What we bring to these friendships, our personalities, enhance each others lives without taking anything away.

In the course of 24 hours, I experienced my past, present, and future. I was able to see, with open eyes, how I removed myself from an unnatural world, and changed my life into one that fits my unique nature. My days are filled with new colorful doors opening on a daily basis, endless opportunity, and lot's of love.The two worlds, my past and present lives, are like alternate universes. I wanted to become true to myself so I asked the universe for what I wanted.....and it continues to appear.

So I ask you this one question.......have you ever considered reconciliation?

Sending you peace,

Building my Boat

03/19/2013 14:17:00

I was in what appeared to be the jungle. The leaves were different shades of green and they were thick and overgrown. It felt difficult to make my way through- which is when I realized that I was trying to make my way through this overgrown jungle. It felt like I was searching for something … or someone.

I made my way to the end of the trees and found myself on a beach. Immediately it was as if someone zoomed in on me and I felt an overwhelming feeling of terror run over my body as I realized I was alone; I was alone on this island.

I asked without using words, “Are they coming?” It didn’t feel right, “Is HE coming?”

The knowing through my body said, “No one is coming. YOU have to get yourself off of this island.” Then it began to fast forward…

“YOU have to get off this island. YOU made it through the jungle and must now bring your story for people to hear. YOU have to do it… you have to build a boat.

I then saw the pictures quickly speed up. It was as though I was looking at one of those flip books that shows movement with each page so that when you flip the pages the picture moves. The pictures were progressing- quickly.

I saw me with a tree trunk. It seemed like I was carving it or doing something to make a boat. I didn’t think about the fact that I have no idea HOW to build a boat or that I have no experience in boat building, but I was feverishly building a boat.

The pictures continued to flip and then I was in the boat, paddling strong and hard. I was in the very blue ocean and I could feel the wind in my wild hair. I was so focused and so connected. I felt the knowing again and knew it was alright. Everything was alright. I was off the island.

Much Love.

Didn't You Hear?....I Don't Live There Anymore.

02/16/2013 10:00:00

Over the past few days I have been forced to relive some of my past. The world that was never truly me. It was more a world, & environment, I was placed into. Not necessarily by choice. Since I was a young teenager, it was a world I never fit into. A world that seems so far away from who I am today, the genuine me. So much so, at times, I forget it ever existed, that it was even a reality. This was a very painful process to be a part of. It hurt to realize how many people still live in that place, and can hurt you with these memories, or judgements. It still amazes me that people will judge a person by what they think they know, which is usually a miniscule portion of the whole picture.

It won't matter how much you've changed, or given up, improved, how hard you've worked etc......it will never make you different in their eyes.

After processing all of this and listening to friends who know the whole me, I took time for reflection. And it made me realize.....(as I sit here chuckling a little).....that the people who judge, are the ones still living there. Not me. I don't live there anymore. Which is why I find no need to dwell in places of the past. I strive for my future, this is my only goal. Looking backwards on unchangeable circumstances serves no purpose, and I don't believe I would change them if I had the choice anyway. I am grateful for all of my "mistakes", it's how I got to where I am. I am on a steady incline.......I am confident I will never plateau. I am excited for change. To learn. I wake up, every morning, ready for whatever new experiences the day is going to bring me. I continue to embrace, with open arms, the ability to learn more about myself, and the world as a whole.

Because I am a person who adapts. A person who is strong enough to bend with the movement of life. I am smart enough to know that living in a stagnant state of being will not allow for growth. For betterment of one's soul, brain and energy, you need to live in peace, and a positive state of existence. I have been through extremely challenging situations, which only make me appreciate the smallest blessings, or acts of kindness, even more. I am grateful. I love completely. I show appreciation. I treasure my relationships, my friendships. The smallest gestures of kindness, shown to me, often bring me to tears or a state of overwhelming gratitude.

Always remember that how life, a situation, or a person, is always based in perception. People view through their own set of eyes. One single situation, can be viewed by multiple people, in many ways, by what they perceive to be the truth. This truth is based on what was seen, and perceived, through their eyes. This is then processed by their brain, creating a judgement of the situation. Perception.......one of the most powerful tools a human being holds within themselves. Perception is a gift that can provide you with negative effects, or unlimited freedom and understanding. It is yours to control, it is a conscious choice made everyday.

With reflecting on my past, all of the changes I have endured and conquered, it made me realize how amazing I am. How strong. How beautiful. How 'one in a million' this person I see in the mirror is. How blessed I am to be me, and all the gifts that come with that. How not too many people could do what I do everyday, and I give high praise to those who do. That I can handle my life; my past and my future, with grace and a positive spirit.

I would like to thank those individuals who have given me the opportunity to have this enlightening experience. I am forever grateful to you for bringing me this gift, I send much love to you on your journey.

It's not what you call me, but what I answer to. --African Proverb

-Jessalyn

Into The Wild

01/08/2013 11:42:00

Journal 9-8-12

This week...oh man...it has been amazing.....for lack of a more powerful or descriptive word. So many changes have happened in my brain, in my life over these past few months, over these past few years really. I feel free in so many ways it is indescribable. I have had many experiences over the course of these past two months...experiences that have allowed for every emotion I think I am capable of. My eyes have once again been opened in ways I did not know existed. My life has once again changed in amazing ways.

The other day I watched the movie, Into the Wild. I cried pretty much throughout the whole thing. It still continues to amaze me, after all these years, that when you live a life open to possibility, open to positivity and love, how everything in your life, everyone in your life, comes to you exactly when it's supposed too. As silly as it sounds I have been trying to watch this movie for a few years. I was supposed to watch it with one friend and never did, something always came up. I was supposed to watch it with one of my best girlfriends and her husband at one of our many nights spent in each other’s company, but it just never happened. I would intend to take it home to watch it and leave without it in a morning hurry. The other day I wanted a movie, but didn't want to rent one. My son and I quickly ran into the library 20 minutes before closing. My library never has anything good in it, the movie selection is slim but oddly that day they had filled the shelves. They must have received more movies...there were a whole bunch of new ones. As I was skimming the shelves I saw it, Into the Wild. I grabbed it instantly; it was my movie for the night. I was psyched, finally watching this movie that my friends loved and had suggested numerous times.

I brought it home, set it on the television cabinet. I fed the kids dinner, everyone showered and headed to bed...I will admit I sent them to bed a little early because I couldn't wait. I got my fuzzy, full of love zebra blanket, curled up on the couch and put the movie in. Within the first few minutes I knew it would be a new favorite, one to be watched many times in the years to come. I had a general idea of what the film was about, but it ended up being so much more to me than I expected. And I know everyone who watches it will take something different. That’s the kind of movie this is. Beautiful. An added bonus was Eddie Vedder doing the whole soundtrack; he is a god of music to me. I love the sound of his voice...velvet rustic beauty. Smooth with a course quality. The calming quality of his voice is addicting.....his love of music can be heard through every note coming off his tongue. Pure raw emotion, pure vocal and musical talent, pure love of music. Music is a form of love to me. Music has saved my life many times. Without music I would have been lost in a tornado of what my life has presented to me along my journey. It has been a constant companion since my day of birth; playing instruments, bands I loved to listen to, live music with the intensity only a concert can give, singing in front of a crowd of 100 or to my children while they cried at night. It has seen me through every step, and minute, of my journey. It has been a friend and guiding light in times of love, sorrow, distress, anger, change, sadness and struggle. It has been a beautiful contributor to celebrating laughter, growth, happiness, triumphs, and love. Music is love; present every day and coursing through every cell in my body.

Into The Wild. Crying. Crying because of all the emotions from the symbolism this movie holds in relation to life. My life, my family, other people’s lives I have been witness too. I understood and could feel the struggle this young man felt by being a unique person forced, as young people are, to live within a society that prides itself and is always working towards conformity. Material items are used to enhance life and bring happiness, people are used like objects. People are living outside of their means or in a wasteful way, in every corner of the world. Large homes with picket fences, expensive cars, 3 kids and a dog. Inside so many of these homes is unhappiness of what their life has become, cold structures of a daily routine forced to feel welcome. Artificial love and traditions formed from an expectation at a young age. Working 9-5, 6 days a week in a struggle to 'have everything', to be the same as our neighbor....because we are taught that is what will make us happy.

Without these material comforts, you are seen as lacking...more often than not, you are seen as unsuccessful. Society has raised us to live up to its standards, but its standards are ridiculous in so many ways. So unhealthy. Creating beings focused on living to work, for material comforts, instead of working to simply provide yourself with the ability to live a life full of experience, love and adventure. These experiences will provide more to you than a material comfort ever could.

Every person is a unique individual, full of gifts, talents. When you are raised in a world that strives to make everyone the same; schooling that pigeonholes creative minds, doing what is considered right or acceptable, stripping away all the individual characteristics of a person because they are too difficult to understand. Not teaching to a person's strengths, or encouraging talents, even if it creates challenges in the moment is just one of the major flaws in our society. Society suffocates so many people, it ruins them. Parents allow this to happen every day because it is what is expected. It is easier than fighting against. Why do these parents not see the qualities, or worth, of these special kids? It is because they were taught the same way, taught to conform. Their parents teaching them to do what is 'right', what is 'acceptable', what is expected of you. No embarrassment to be had that way, the ability to say my kid (big or small) is as good as yours. Having bragging rights around the water cooler at your 9-5 job where you spend more time with your co-workers than you do your family.

This man's journey to a freedom that only few would have the courage to venture into, is a breath of fresh air. A life free of material items, of material relationships, free of familial expectation and strife. Free of a society riddled with a desire for power, greed and full of damaging flaws and behaviors. On his own, accepted. He forms friendships brought together by a common path and natural acceptance of individuality. He is loved for his unique journey and peaceful person, coming from a mutual desire to live from a simple place. To live from a natural state of being. A purity of mind, body and soul is found in a change so monumental. A beautifully simple state of being, so hard to be found in the life we have all come to live. Freedom is an individual thought for everyone. To one person it could mean financial stability, to others it could mean a lack of everything materialistic-living in a state of constant movement, change, new experience. To me, freedom means the ability to be 100% myself. To live a life free of artificial satisfaction or 'normalcy’s. Full of love, full of laughter, full of experience. To be allowed to be silly, to be quiet, to be loud, to be thoughtful, to change. To be whatever I want in the moment. I have made it a unchanging goal to never conform to what others feel is right, or the proper way of living; in a job, in love, in parenting, in friendships....in life in general. Expectations placed in our lives by others get in the way of the ability to see what you truly want for you.

Expectations, whether it is societal, familial or simply parental, will take over your natural born instincts if allowed. They make you feel that what you want is not ok or that you need to be better. In turn, so many people give themselves over to what must be, or they have been taught, is ‘normal’. What they have learned, or had instilled into them, their whole life. It interrupts your natural journey.

Our core principals, individuality and personality come to this earth at the same moment we do. As a newborn I fought against the norm by arriving a week early. I was born on my own time, not even waiting for the doctor. Paving my way into the world purely in my own, sometimes impatient, style. As a child I unknowingly fought against everything that was considered acceptable. I loved free expression, hated clothes, rules, strict structure. I hated being constricted in any form. I thought for myself, and fought for my individuality, speaking my beliefs of how I wanted my life to be even when pressured otherwise. I used music and the arts as a form of expression every single day; I danced, I created, I sang. I expressed myself all the time in the rarest forms that couldn't be easily understood, if understood at all. I was pure, uninhibited. I was an individual, unique....a frustratingly fascinating child for the people who encompassed my world.

As I grew into my teenage years I lost some of that individuality, as so many of us do. With the pressure closing in from every angle, I saw myself starting to conform to the ideals people wanted for me. I thought I was wrong for the way I thought, I thought I was weird and I was treated the same way. I was thought to be depressed therefore I was medicated, when in fact; it was simply the feeling of loss of self. I had trouble being accepted especially within my family and I surrounded myself with people who were not right for me. I conformed to ideals and lost myself for a period of time. I was still there....I knew I was, I felt it inside.

I felt awful and heavy all the time as I constantly fought against what I felt was natural and continued to force what was unnatural. Eventually after years of attempting, with some success, to conform, to be loved for who I wasn't, I decided to make a drastic and what some thought, a stupid destructive change. I changed my whole life; my way of thinking, eating, living, my daily lifestyle...even the way I breathed. I knew the people who loved me to the core would accept my changes and trust me; those who didn't or couldn't understand, would not play an important role in my life from that point forward. I was strangely ok and at ease with losing so many who had played such a large role in my life up to that point. After all, family is what you make it. Love is where you create it. My friends had always been my source of true family anyway, what would it be to me if my 'born into' or 'married into' family, and others, did not accept the real me? Because that is what I was ‘changing’ into, myself. The real me. The girl I loved so much. The one I spent years trying to keep away. The 'weird' girl who never did, behaved, or thought anything the ‘right way’.

I went into the wild, into the unknown of my personal journey. On my own. I took a leap and landed with both feet in a new, natural me. I realize now when thinking of that time, that I knew there weren't any other options other than to succeed. I knew I would, even when I was so scared of what tomorrow would hold. I couldn't fail because I never made that an option. I was given challenges and I jumped over them or plowed through them, coming out on the other side having grown into a better happier FREE person. I laughed, I cried, I hyperventilated, I celebrated.

Now my life is full of love, friendships and experiences I would not trade for anything I could ever be offered. Every day brings wonder onto my path. I have realized that my world, everyone’s world, should come to you naturally. Everything happens as it should in its perfect moment. I continue to change every day. I love myself more in every single moment I am present on this beautiful earth. I put my toes in the sand while feeling the ocean air raise goosebumps on my arms and breathe a sigh of pure joy at my state of happiness. More happiness arrives in each new breath I take. My eyes accept, lovingly, the miraculous beauty of each new sight....everything you see is always seen for the very first time. There are new qualities brought to your vision even in the simplest versions......you have to be present in the moment to see it. The beauty, the wonder. Sometimes I sit outdoors and see all that surrounds my human body. I feel the movement of the air, the smell of nectar the bees placed in the flowers. I see the colors present in every blade of grass....in every leaf and tree. I smell and hear the joys of life happening. I take in the happiness of the moments of love I know are taking place in persons around me who are celebrating this life gifted to them.

To force something, anything, will only bring strife and an unnatural experience, which I can guarantee will not feel good to your soul. You will carry that feeling of discomfort with you until your natural state of being takes over once more. I am a firm believer that one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, is listening to your intuition. Hearing and listening to your inner voice telling you the path that will give you happiness and sense of self. Even if you are scared or it may not make sense, or seem believable, in the moment. Every human being needs to start living for today. This present moment. This moment will be the only one of its kind you will ever have, it will never come again. It is unique, much like the chemistry of your individual flawless design. We were each placed on this earth to bring to it all of our amazing qualities, which too many of us have lost.

For me....I promise myself to always live to see each moment to its fullest capability. I promise myself to always exist in my purest design, to give my love to all my fellow beings in a truly unique state of giving. I promise myself to always bring music, laughter and the gift of passion to every moment of my days on this earth.

I promise to see the best qualities in every person whose path I cross, to love and encourage their individual gifts. I promise that the smile I give to you, my friend, comes from my deepest core. I ask you to try it....to see everything that life has to offer you when you open your eyes to your innermost you.

Take a chance today, and go into the wild.

~Jessalyn

Making it happen

12/07/2012 11:15:00

The time has come. The life I was living and the life I’ve dreamed of living are colliding now more and more. I have been my very best client. The creator in me is constantly hungry and the visualizations I have been feeding it are actually being created. But it’s not like just creating the picture- it’s more like you step INTO the picture. You imagine what it LOOKS like. Then you imagine what it FEELS like. And then you practice. THAT’S IT.

That’s it because all of a sudden you find yourself in a place that the two get glued together so well that you find yourself in that vibration even longer. And then even longer until it gets flipped and you experience THAT more positive vibration and existence more than the you that just imagined it.

Want to try it out? Want to see if it works? Doing this allows you to imagine even BIGGER. To see past whatever limitation you find as you proceed through your journey. And you will find them- your limitations. A very good friend of mine recently asked the question, “If there was no fear how would it be” and it hit something in me. It helped me to identify that all of my limitations are anchored by fear. How about you? Think about what you tell yourself that keeps you held back from progressing in some way… what is your excuse? Once you get that it should be easier to find what fear it is connected to.

Once you find the fear anchor, make peace with it. Contemplate whether it is a truth you need to still believe and hold on to. If it is not, accept that it may have been necessary to get you through a period in your life but it is no longer needed.

And then do something different. Change YOUR role in that interaction. Say something different. Do something different. We are responsible for our output. If that is true, readjust your position if needed and watch the outcome. You will notice something positive if you provide and connect with positive.

Any questions?

Much Love.

Momentum and Manifestation

10/15/2012 21:53:00

Busy Busy Busy... I have been feeling the momentum pick up on so many of the projects and collaborations that have been in the works. This week two of them are finally being presented and I am SOO excited!

Sunday was the first of a new children's series of workshops I am teaching at The Tree of Health Center. It's called Happy Thinking for kids and it was better than I had expected. I structured the class to allow kids the opportunity to connect words and feelings. We talked about how words can be used to make others feel good or bad. We spoke about how the same words can make us feel the same when we use them on ourselves. It was so fabulous to see them make the connection. We followed up the discussion with some guided visualization. They visited a wonderfully happy place in their imagination... and then they drew pictures of the places they imagined in their minds... their happy places.

The pictures were so amazing. They explained to me what they were and how they felt. It confirmed for me how important a workshop like this is... even the grown ups need this class... happy thinking. I am so excited to do this one again on Thursday. I am hoping to see many children and even their parents there.

At the end of the week, I am introducing Conscious Style at The Tree of Health Center. This is going to be an awesome evening- a girls night out where we review your individual style. I have decided to use both my years of experience and passion in the beauty industry, with my years and passion coaching with guided visualization and hypnotic progression. I am combining my skills to help girls and women see how they want to be and I am giving the tools to help them become it. How cool is THAT??

What am I doing? People ask me regularly how I can be so positive. I want to suggest that you begin the day by giving gratitude. I do mot get out of bed before naming 10 things I am grateful for. I do it with my daughter- we take turns. It is something we started doing when things were tough. It was my way of setting the intention and starting my day in a positive vibration. Try it.

We really can have be or do what we desire. We really are creating our future right this moment. Understand your value in the world and be the best you can be. With gratitude and Much Love.

Automatic writing with Jessalyn Szczepanik

09/14/2012 20:52:00

I have been blessed with the people- every person that has entered my life, at every stage. The people who have helped make things better, the supporters and the people who have contributed to the pain I have experienced. I am grateful. It is a wonderful gift how people enter our lives through circumstances we sometimes are unaware of... new jobs, friends of friends, extended family, the food store, the gym... we meet people everyday, we interact and we respond. Sometimes we judge. Occasionally we open up to a connection. I have been blessed with wonderful connections.

I remember first learning about the Law of Attraction and beginning to understand that what you put out you receive. How energy attracts like energy. I practiced and practiced. I became very conscious of what I omit, understanding that it will return. I now radiate love. That love that comes from deep inside. The gratitude, appreciative, respectful, spiritual kind of love. Today, I am connected to people from all over the world who support and add like value to my life.

One of these people has been very connected with me along her journey of awakening. I am honored to share some of the automatic writing she has created. I would like to note that she is still equally shocked and proud of what comes from within her, but she is now connected to source, to that love I speak about.

Her name is Jessalyn Szczepanik and I suggest you friend her on Facebook. She is inspirational, supportive and full of experience and love. I will be posting some of her automatic writing here because, quite frankly, I think people should see it. So without further ado, here is Jessalyn's 1st automatic writing creation. Much Love.

oh btw... the subject of her email was Holy Sh*#!!

"I have no idea what is going on with me today. I have no idea where this came from but I couldn't NOT write it. I had too, I was being pulled to write all day. Supernaturally pulled. I know this sounds weird but I swear I was pushed into the chair in front of my computer as I was walking by it today to get a glass of water. I am amazed and freaked all at the same time. I can feel myself changing Amy....I can feel it.

Love Advice? Advice on Love? How about we use the LOA....

This morning I was given the opportunity to provide advice on relationships; men and love in general. It was as much a profound experience for myself, as I hope it was for the other person. I would by no means say I am an expert on this topic, nor do I have the greatest track record to go on. I have however embraced all of my experiences as lessons. Lessons I would never trade, experiences I am so grateful to have had. Regret is never a word I use, I am a firm believer that all of your moments count in a beautiful way. All of your experiences are lessons that helped to create who you are today, to create your journey. The more exciting the lessons, the more interesting your story is to tell right?

Now I would like to preface this by stating a fact I have come to recently realize about myself.....I have never actually been in love. I have had times that I thought I may have been, but after reflecting on those relationships I know I definitely was not. I have loved many people and I love many people. I love my friends, my family, my children. I am in love with myself. I always make an effort to treat everyone I meet with love and kindness. Needless to say I spread a lot of love on a daily basis.

There are questions we need help answering at times. We have people in our lives we turn to for help or to encourage us see our questions in a different light. I believe I am asked for advice because I am honest, I am true. I will not lie to you and will always encourage every person I meet to be the best they can be. I certainly do not think it is because I have all the answers. I myself have friends I turn to for the same reasons. These friends provide me with sound advice, honesty and the encouragement to grow. I turn to these friends, as people turn to me. I do not give you answers, I encourage you to see the paths available to you. I encourage you to see the many sides of a situation and ask you to weigh the benefits of each path you could take. Suggestions are made to promote thoughts or ideas that help you create solutions or new avenues of thought. I focus on your needs and the outcome of your personal desires without any of my own ideals influencing your situation. Your situation is unique to you after all, it is not mine to shape. It is not my outcome. I help a person use all of this to create the personal best in their own life. I enjoy helping people, I find excitement in the experience of seeing another find an answer that was unclear to them before a good discussion.

It is a beautiful experience to see minds opening to possibilities, or ideas, that are so new that it allows for the expansion of a new way of thinking they didn't know existed. Everyone has a journey, a path that is being lain stone by stone with every new step.

I am 100% certain I am in love with my children but with children, it is a different kind of love. It is a love of growth. Of protection. Of seeing and encouraging the body-mind-spirit of a soul that was gifted to you. I wonder, however, if this form of love could be looked at in an attempt to make sense of the non parental loves? You do not pick your children. They are, as I stated before, gifted to you. You are given their bodies, their minds, their souls. Your children arrive in this world, full of wonder with a soul already formed. Their fibers of personality, their brain, their core intact. As we nurture these little bodies, outside sources will play a role in their learned behaviors, but they were born as individual beings full of their own unique predetermined intuitiveness and nature.

So in seeing the all encompassing love for your child, why is it that we have so many questions on what love is in other relationships? Male and female, friendships, family? Why do so many individuals not hold a knowledge of this feeling of love?

I have been told by some that true love, or divine love as I like to call it, comes to you when you least expect it. When you are in a state of existence purely focused on your own sense of self, during your time of personal growth. When love could even be viewed as inconvenient or not ideal for you at the time. Love may make it's presence known in a person whom you would not think to choose for yourself necessarily. Who arrives in an unexpected moment. This person could show up as a stranger in your life, as an acquaintance or in a friend.

It is my experience, and I have done this as well, too many men and women actively seek or chase the idea of love. We do this in hopes that the perfect person will come along to sweep us off our feet in a moment of passion. We do this as an act of societal expectation, because as we all know, for so many of us marriage becomes an expectation once you reach a certain age. Intimacy becomes acceptable where it may not have been otherwise. In this day and age, marriage is still looked at as a form of stability, of normalcy. Free love, sexual expression and casual relationships continue to be viewed as taboo in many a household. So does the single woman, you spend the first 18 years trying to keep your daughter away from boys and then the next 20 wondering why she isn't married.

Unfortunately, from these expectations come behaviors which result in our thoughts generally heading into a state of relationships every time our primal urges kick in; finding one, being in one, keeping one. We do this in a state of insecurity, in an unhealthy state of need. When these actions are taken, more often than not we find ourselves with a person who is not a good match therefore falling 'out of love' or speeding into a rut of unhappiness, anger, disappointment. You should never be in any relationship out of need. Love was never present. Lust was there rearing it's head in a moment of admiration. Momentary acts of passion and excitement, yes. Love? No.

Love in any degree, whether it is a friendship or romantic, should promote personal growth. Love should always bring with it happiness and encouragement. It will add positive factors into your life making it even more fabulous than you had already created it to be. Love should never take away or decrease. It will never ask you to change or cause you discomfort. Love should never be forced, it is a pure and healthy emotion when occurring in it's natural form.

After many years practicing the law of attraction in all aspects of my life; practicing meditation, opening my mind to the universe, embracing the experience of awakening, I have developed a description of what love means to me. I believe love, as with everything, is individual to each person. What love means to you will be different than what it is to me. The characteristics in a partner which will make me happy, will be different than yours. What I value in a partner may be at the bottom of your list and vice versa. For example, a lot of woman view a man's ability to provide as a top priority where I have a man's gift of making me laugh in that same spot. There is nothing right or wrong with this; your personal experiences, individual characteristics and your being as a whole have a hand in molding your perception of everything.

My experience with love thus far has opened my eyes to the many types of unique bonds you can be blessed with when you are open to receiving. As I said above, love for your children is a special kind. Love however, can show it's face in many a form I have come to realize. Over the years I have connected to people I consider my inner circle, or more adequately described, my circle of love. My circle of love is built of individuals who have proven themselves to me time and time again in a variety of ways, and I to them. With their love and friendship I been given strength, trust, compassion, encouragement, wisdom. I have been blessed with the ability to surrender to the knowledge that I am completely, and uniquely, accepted in their eyes, minds and hearts. I enjoy the gift of laughter, love, safety, protection, intimacy, music and happiness. Each person in my circle brings joy and peace to my already wonderful life. These individuals are ever present in my mind every moment of my day. In return, I provide the same qualities to each of these beautiful individuals as they do to me. We are grateful for each other and show appreciation in many forms; quality moments, thoughtful gestures, listening and contributing to each others lives. We continue to always live in a circle of love, our circle never breaking the golden thread of such a beautifully unique and special bond.

From my experiences of pure love with the members of my circle, I have concluded what divine love will be for me. I will attempt to put in words, what I know for myself, will be deeply felt as indescribable.......

What I believe, or envision divine love to be in it's original form is friendship. When a friendship evolves into love, it adds a quality I would describe as an inner fire. Friendship on fire is divine love. This fire brings with it a feeling of deep companionship ignited by an inner passion for that one person in your minds eye, that one person who matches your core in the deepest state imaginable. That person who is always in your focus, in your mind, ever present. Whose face brings with it a sense of calm, whose smell ignites a passion within your soul. Whose presence and touch create a sense of security, of protection, of familiarity. Whose eyes see yours and twinkle with the words you love to hear. Whose voice provides the same feeling of serene comfort the sound of the waves and feel of beach sand have always given you. The importance of their happiness and seeing their smile becomes parellel to your own. Always striving to promote even more love, enrichment and joy into each other daily lives. Always giving. Love is laughter everyday, love is acceptance, the ability and comfort of being 100% yourself with this person. A pure connection so natural, so easy, so effortless that it is described as "just being". It is a unique acceptance of each others characteristics, of understanding the fibers and experiences that this person is built upon. You are two people intertwined by your similarities, kept interested by your differences and connected by your inner spirit. The inner spirit that was present and recognizable from your day of introduction. This divine love brings with it the desire to grow together, to encourage each other to be the best form of ourselves, for ourselves, and also for each other.

In conclusion to this dialogue, I guess we could ask ourselves to do a few things. If we want to create and have love in our lives this is some advice I believe we must follow.

Be completely open to receiving love in all forms. Live every moment in a state of pure love. Give love to everything you do, send love into the universe with every breath. Wake each day, and fall asleep each night, with the pure intention of becoming an even better you than you were the day before. Be it, see it and put your love into it. Continue to grow, continue to evolve.

Be ever present in the moment.

Jess"

30 Day Mental Food Challenge

08/20/2012 19:03:00

Today is the 30th day of my mental food challenge. It has been 30 days of no chewing. No anything to ingest except fresh vegetables and a few fruits- juiced and water in between. I did it. Wow.

I had never juiced before. I quite frankly thought juicing was something reserved for religious events and health freaks. But a few weeks ago I was drawn to the movie Fat , Sick and nearly DEAD. I highly recommend it. I found such inspiration from that movie that I decided to try it myself- to fast. The main character in the movie, Joe, beautifully demonstrated what the foods we eat are doing to us and how we can CHANGE our bodies and our HEALTH by changing the foods we eat. I learned a great deal. As a matter of fact, I watched that movie at least 20 times before beginning my fast.

After being inspired I devised my plan. I asked my doctor if I could fast for 10 days. He told me that if I was going to do it that I should do it for 30 and so it began...

For me, this past 30 days was not about losing weight. For me it was about redesigning my life. Truth be told, in 2007 my world was flipped upside down. Everything that I had and everything that I knew as truth had changed in a split second. I was left devastated, mentally, spiritually, financially and physically.

It was just me and my daughter and I had to find our way. So every day I put a smile on and every night I would cry and eat. Yes, I said it, I would just cry and eat and I did it for two years straight. I did that until I began learning the power of my own brain. I studied and learned how connections are made and how to change how we think. I started using that information to put our lives back together. I was completely focused on getting us to a better place and I knew I could do it by becoming conscious of what and HOW I was thinking. I also knew I had to work on my unconscious programming to get there.

Since that time I can say I have found a way of experiencing life with a great appreciation and with great love. I have grown spiritually, mentally and live a life honestly devoted to helping others find that same spark that shifted it all for me. The only problem is that those two years of what I call "crisis behavior" led to some very bad habits.

As I devoted so much time and effort into growing stronger and stronger I realized that those old crisis habits were in my way of living the life that I am really designing. I had to do something about that and since I have already seen first hand how to make positive change happen. it was time for me to conquer and reprogram those learned eating habits. You see, I am not in crisis anymore. I am in quite the opposite of crisis so I had to change. I wanted my behaviors to match my dreams because there is nothing in my way... there are no more butts about it (had to sorry ; ))

So when I saw this movie I decided that I want to do this. To make it most extreme I decided to add some other rules for myself like NO CHEWING. I wanted to break my behaviors. I wanted to break my habits. I wanted to start all over and do it healthier. I wanted to become a healthy role model for my beautiful and loving daughter, so I did.

It was not fun. I became aware of the habits I created that I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE I HAD. Then I went through the pain and anger and sadness I had stuffed down with all that food. And you know what was on the other side of that? Nothing but love.

And that is what I am radiating today, nothing but love. Love for everything that has brought me to this very moment. The skinny and the fat, the sad and the happy, the rich and the poor... I am grateful for it all as I continue my journey now. And I am grateful to you for reading this. Thank you for your part in my journey. Much Love.

Day 7/30

07/29/2012 21:58:00

Day 7

So there I was, day 7 of my 30 day fast...

That's what I've been telling myself all day as if I was looking back on this day and it was really really good. Then I do that.

It's been 7 days of no chewing for me. I've been ingesting vegetables and a little fruit by way of juicing. This has been 7 days of hard-core habit awareness; Witnessing at its finest. This absence of food has also provided a clear picture of just what my food connections are- and they are connected to everything! (Well, they were)

This first week has provided for me a starting point as well as an ending point. My previous food impulses have been connected now with a better response. I don't require the comfort of food any longer. I am consciously changing my programming- my perception. Once I become aware of an old desire or problem or challenge concerning food I change it... I change it.

Day 7 is way better than day 2 or day 5 and 6. On day 2 I felt like I had the flu- killer headache and my whole body hurt. Day 5 and 6 were emotional painful- I was angry and I even cried sporadically. But, I conclude the first week feeling very aware and focused. I am limiting my exposure to old eating situations like going to restaurants or being around people during their times of eating ; ) Not being able to escape making meals for my 6 yr. old of course was a challenge in the beginning. I have changed that to a game of how can we improve the nutritional content of her meal... that is fun and feels good. At the end of these 30 days we will both have better eating habits and be feeling fabulous.

So Here we go... week 2. I am open to all of the blessings and opportunities each one of these new moments provide. Here's to creating the future. Much Love.

Day 3/ 30 day fast

07/25/2012 20:47:00

Ok... so day 3 down on my 30 day fast. I must admit that this is way more of a mental challenge than a physical one for me. I was surprised with the habits that I apparently have created over the past few years. Through day one and two I had to have some serious conversations with myself about how driving through Dunkin Donuts for an iced coffee and bagel was not something I need in my life.

Driving in fact is something that appears to be connected to my previous eating habits; the drive thrus, the stops for a slice of pizza or meeting friends for breakfast or dinner. Tonight I was seeing a friend and we usually go to dinner. Instead we strolled around my building and caught up with each other outside- without food.

At work food plays a big role. From the donuts to the candies to the take out... there is always food. I was a bit apprehensive about being there today, being only 3 days into this fast but to my surprise- it didn't bother me at all. I feel so good. My cravings are gone. I feel clean. I just can't believe its only day 3. The support I have been receiving is so fabulous. I feel the love and I am very grateful.

I am doing a video diary of this transformation and will be sharing it when the time is right, until then, thank you and I am sending much love.